2 days Later

I woke up in the night, i turned slightly.. My hips were sore, hand heavy, tried to clench my fist- they hurt.

It's been two days since i was told i had RA.. Two days..

Monday - They confirmed it, i wandered about, grieved a bit, put some cheer in my voice called the parents heard the pain in their silence, stayed in my duvet for 8 hours, not even thinking about it..

Tuesday: I told people, my best friend called me and she did what she is good at. Helping me to get ahead of it.. Made me join a Facebook page on RA, searching for forums and told me to write about it. She is a gem

Wednesday: I'm sat here, in pains not more than i can bear, but as little to inform me of it's presence planning my days carefully.. Lifestyle is about to change, not drastically as to plunge me into depression but change in a good way i hope.

This Hour: I'm not angry, I'm not sad - I've taken it on my chin as most things, but I'm happy or a variation of it.

It won't weigh me down anymore, i won't wonder. I will have to give up alcohol for Life, the Meds don't agree with it.. I will have to get used to it.. Lol, i even told God -Thank You.. Was that out of resignation? Was that out of fear? I don't know..

I haven't done anything productive in the Last month, I have to.. I owe it to myself..

Today is Ash Wednesday, Lent is around the corner.

I will partake in this Lent, not cause I have to, but yea - I want to.

I'm 27 and I've got Rheumatoid Arthritis..

2013

This is a year i thought i will never get to, for some weird reason i presumed Jesus would have come. He sure is taking His time...

This year is different for me, well people say that all the time but for me, it is different. This is the year i discover who i really am.

I grew up too fast, too early and too strong. I shut out people, well everybody but loved them and showed them by being there.

2012 was confusing, i made friends, lost friends and made more. I discovered who i could be but not who i am. I let myself gloat, fail and i've started accepting compliments (strange still).

What goes on in my head scares me, what i don't think of amuses me but this year, I will push myself. I have to. Many a people wax lyrical about how 'I' made them do stuff.. I haven't done anything to improve me. So this year i will do all that.

1. Master Arc GIS..

2. Clothe me and feel like the gorgeous Nwa Ori that i am - well this is a journey.

3. Talk more not ramble, talk more.

4. Learn pidgin and Igbo (lose my accent - again)

5. Read novels again - Yea not 1 in a day like before, but one in a week .. Not just what i used to read, try more literature (true sense of the word)

6> Put me first, as easy as this is to write down, but yea - this year i wil do that..

7. I shall learn not to Procastinate.. My Lord!!! I shall do everything i set out to do.. God help me

I speak too much of the truth most times, people find it unnerving. I deviate from me so as not to show me,this doesn't make sense at all but yea, i know what i speak off.

I was told recently that i am an attention seeker and i give out too much information about me, hmmm - I really don't know but i would watch it....

2013 is going to be different.. It has to be, i wil read more and embrace this geek that i have pushed aside. People see it, i refuse it, well i have no choice, i might not be book smart but i sure as hell am smart. So yes, i will learn everything that i can and should. I will let myself know what i can, i won't shy away from the 'How do you know these things question'? anymore - I will let myself be great.. I will accept the nice things people say about me, i will..

It is going to be Scary, but by God's grace, i think i am ready to be the butterfly i can be.

The cocoon was good, cosy, comfortable - now well, yea. This is going to be hard..

2012 - Thanks for your confusion, for in the midst of it all you gave me clarity..

2013- I was not expecting you, but i expect much from you..