Strength

People say i am strong, but i think myself weak.

I have lost in my ability to stay strong, the walls i built are coming down. The tears flow much easily these days, alas.. I am finally becoming human.

What has happened to the thick skinned girl who didn't think anything could move her? Aye, what is happening to me. I refuse to feel like a mere mortal. After-all, they call me Super Humzzz.

What do i have to do to get back, where is the block needed to build the wall? My defenses are weak, i have been weakened. This is not the life i promised myself. This was not the plan.

I don't rely on myself anymore, i was strong for too long. I was strong for people. Maybe that is it. My strength was not for me, but for them. To be their shoulder, their voice of reason... Am i tired? Am i angry? Am i weak?

The call broke me, but i knew the right words to say. Stay strong i scolded. But i felt it in that box that didn't feel before, the pain piercing.

Strength, i might have drowned in it, but i have learnt to reach out.

I thought only weak people cried, but i discovered the strength needed to cry is monumental, To shed tears, that takes courage.

I once thought i was strong, because i thought it meant not feeling. But now, i'd tell you.. Strength is not indifference, Strength is smiling through the tears that only you can feel..

For others, i have to be Strong..  as for me well.. This is new..