Noise

Sometimes it just gets really noisy in my head, too noisy for logical thoughts, too noisy for common sense, too noisy for me.

I am not sure what i used to do, well  i know... But i can't escape anymore, i don't have the means to seek oblivion, well.. I could, but i can't . My escape used to be found rolled in a blunt.. The Lord, HE who i drag this self has placed palpitations between i and a blunt. So no more..

The noise scares me, the noise is me. I may not make as much sense as i should, but writing about this noise helps me.

I should not write, i should maybe, well i am rambling. That is what this is. This noise draws me away from people. It is the noise of me struggling with self. It is the noise of the tango i dance with my Father every time.

It is me knowing i have strayed too far. It is the noise of 'defiance'. He has got me where HE wants me, on my knees..But i struggle with HIM.. Noise.

I created this Noise, to block out HIS voice.. I can't anymore. It is the voice i've known ever since i was 9, it is the voice that said you will be fine. But i struggle, Why?

I need to step away from the Noise. To be with my Father.. I need to hear HIS voice, to tell me it is fine..  It has been awhile..

So i would cry, not in tears that are seen, i would bleed, not from my veins but in my heart, away from the noise. My soul knows, my soul yearns, i would lock myself and listen.

My father who art in Heaven, i have stepped away from the noise..
I am here, what would you have me do...

Static... no noise, Peace, No noise..

Shhhhhhhhhhh.. It is clear...